Love, Yuuri (SEQUEL to Dear Victor)
by koixxiv
Summary: Yuuri gets lucky when he’s drunk... or something always happens when he gets drunk. OR What happened to Yuuri when Victor left him? OR That fic where I tried to get them back together.   Sequel to my other work, Dear Victor. old title: I only want you musician!yuuri x skater!victor
1. Kiss me (Never let me go)

Yuuri gets lucky when he's drunk.

Orsomething always happens when he gets drunk.

The first time he acknowledged it was back when he was still a struggling musician.

He was a member of a band as lead vocalist and guitarist with his best friend, roommate and drummer, Phichit Chulanont and two others.

They were all studying business management in Detroit and classmates in most subjects – it worked. However, after they graduated, their group disbanded as the two decided to look for jobs suited for their degree which left Phichit and Yuuri alone.

For two years they tried to change their band mates but both Phichit and Yuuri knew that they'd have to give up eventually. Phichit gave up first and talked to Yuuri about how they should both be using their degree and just play music as a hobby and Yuuri agreed. That night, they drank for their loss and their gains in a hole in the wall bar in corner not far away from their shared apartment.

The next day they had a bad case of hang over which worsened when Phichit's on again off again boyfriend, Christophe Giacometti, pounded on their door until he was let in by an angry looking Phichit.

"It's too fucking early in the morning! What are you doing here?!!"hissed Phichit as he cradled his head in agony.

Chris laughed at the predicament of his boyfriend and hugged the thai and kissed his forehead as he said,"Sorry love... I didn't want to wake you up but you both have got to see this"before turning to Yuuri as he added,"Especially you Yuuri – you need to see this"

Yuuri watched in horror as he looked at his drunk self, singing in Chris' bar. Just his luck that it was an open mic night and when the DJ asked if anyone wanted to sing, Yuuri stood up beside Phichit and Chris who were both laughing as he raised his hands and walked towards the makeshift stage.

"I can sing!"he yelled as he tried to grab the mic four times before he succeeded as he smiled in triumph and slurred only a bit as he said,"I need people to listen to me sing – cos I can't sing anywhere else"

And then the music began.

Yuuri tried to look away.

Triedbeing the operative word.

It means he failed.

He watched on from start to finish – up until the part where he was slowly dancing while stripping, which was luckily stopped by Seung Gil, the bartender and Yuuri's and Phichit's friend since college.

Like waiting to be hit by an incoming train.

Yuuri was a wreck.

He fell to the floor as he tuned out his best friend and Chris wolf whistling at the end of his performance and closed his eyes when Chris was discussing to Phichit how after that performance different talent scouts were pushing their business cards to him – demanding they be introduced to the Japanese man and Phichit declaring then and there that he'd be Yuuri's manager.

And thus Yuuri's story as a solo artist began – and that's when Yuuri vowed to never get drunk again.

It's not about the repeat performance.

It's about what happens to him when he's drunk.

He cannot control himself.

But of course it didn't last for long.

A few months after he made that vow, he woke up in bed with Chris' best friend and three time gold medalist, competitive ice-skater, Victor Nikiforov.

Victor swore that Yuuri asked him to be his boyfriend that night and Yuuri, being who he is, didn't doubt it for one second. But only because he actually liked the guy anyway.

After a few dates and more drunk Yuuri – they started dating exclusively.

He washappy.

He wascontent.

He thought he'd never need alcohol again so he stopped. Both for him and for Victor. He stopped.

But of course, that too had to end. Because two years after he officially announced their relationship, his partner broke up with him – for reasons he doesn't understand.

He tried to think it through.

He went over the details of everything that happened from before he started, during their relationship and what happened after.

'If I stopped him then, would we still be together?'he asked himself once but he shook it off after a few minutes as he smiled sadly as he looked at his ex-partner's photo with another man.

'At least one of us is happy – at least you are happy'he whispered to the photo as his vision blurred and big tears fell on the ground.

That night, he reached for his alcohol cabinet and started to drink.

Hedrank.

Anddrank.

Anddrank.

Anddrank.

Until Phichit found him some time by the end of that week, sprawled on the floor, white as sheet and unmoving.

He woke up in a hospital bed a few days after.

'Alcohol poisoning'was what the doctor said – or Phichit said the doctor said.

His best friend was rambling and scolding but all Yuuri could do was curse himself – because when he fuckingneededluck, he ran out.

He thought he could get Victor back –'just a little more and Victor will open the door and you'd get back together'Yuuri's mind insisted. But he feels foolish now as he stared at the white ceiling of the hospital room, closed his eyes and soon, he was drifting back to sleep.

Of course, when he got home, his alcohol cabinet has been emptied out.

He had his first real fight with Phichit – that night when he went out and brought every liquor from the convenience store beside his apartment.

"Yuuri! Stop!"his friend yelled but Yuuri was so far gone and so hurt that he just looked at his friend with defiance and hurt evident in his eyes as he opened the bottle and chugged like his life depended on it.

Of course Phichit had to slap the bottle out of his hands.

"WHY DID YOU FUCKING DO THAT??"Yuuri yelled angrily.

In truth, Yuuri loved his friend. He knew that Phichit is only looking out for him. As a best friend, as a manager and as a brother. Deep down, deep deep down, Yuuri knew, but he's hurt.

Yuuri yelled and yelled and yelled. He yelled until his voice was hoarse and his sobs turned into full blown cries as he trembled at the embrace of his friend.

Yuuri felt Phichit squirming from his embrace and he was about to let the other go when he felt something small being pushed in his hand – a pen.

"What am I gonna do with this?"Yuuri said in between sobs and he felt Phichit's hands stroking his back while answering,"You're an artist Yuuri – channel your feelings into songs. That always worked before right?"

It did.

But only a little bit.

It dulled the ache a bit – and Yuuri was already grateful for that. Anything – he was desperate for anything that could lessen the pain a bit – it was in writing songs.

A few months after he was singing the song.

Another month passed, and he was holding a fan meeting.

Sort of an apology. To his fans. To his friends. To Victor.

Victor doesn't need to feel guilty for leaving him. He'd leave himself too if given the chance.

And so he sang.

While he drank.

Phichit was against it.

But Yuuri convinced him.

"I'll only drink during an event"he said as the'when you're there and could stop me when it's getting too much'was left unspoken between them but heard all the same.

So now, Katsuki Yuuri never stood on a stage without a beer bottle in hand.

His fans loved it.

Loved the confidence Yuuri exudes when he's drunk.

Like sex personified.

Like now.

Yuuri was on his sixth bottle of beer and the last song for the night. His head was already buzzing at the fourth bottle but he didn't tell Phichit that – lest the thai stops him.

But Yuuri needs this last bottle.

'Just this last one'he told himself as he positioned in front of the mic again. The song is a duet. For the first time in his career, he's going to sing a duet – well, he was thinking of someone else when he started writing this song – but this is definitely a duet – their duet.

But Yuuri could only do so much.'Maybe if he heard me – if I become a little bit more popular… maybe he'd come back…'he told himself over and over.

Phichit didn't know he was going to perform this song tonight. Phichit didn't even know about this song. And he'd probably get scolded about it later but for now – for now he's thankful at Alyanna, the super-rookie of the music scene who agreed to practice this song only thrice and in secret. Alyanna, who up to this point, Phichit thought arrived to cheer on Yuuri – well, he wasn't wrong… just… not the entire truth.

He knew this is not like his usual songs but something a bit powerful. Full of sex – full of Eros.

But he needs to reach out to someone.

He started as the music started and he spoke.

What up?

You want me to take you to another level?

Just holla at your boy(he pointed to himself and smiled)

Right now, Imma take you for a ride

Feel me?

Just listen

And Yuuri sang.

Baby it's late; can you take me home

Bring me somewhere we can be alone

He took of the mic as he looked at the side of the stage – Phichit's mouth was agape. Well, he still needs to perform as he continued

'Cause, you know, I'm a little tipsy(he smirked)

Light me up and, baby, kiss me(he blew a kiss and winked – he never winks)

Come and, baby, do it quickly(he went closer to the end of the stage as he held out his hands for his fans)

I don't wanna talk so keep my mouth busylittle missy(he kneeled in position and dropped his head)

I feel like burning(he held the hem of his shirt and slowly pulled it)

You're who I'm yearning

I'm ready for friction(he stood up and refused to look at his friend – he'd knew what he'd see there)

Sparks fly, up high

Baby, make me feel like I never felt before(he closed his eyes and the chorus began)

Hold me close by your side

Baby, never let me go through the night

As I open my eyes

Baby, kiss me from my nose down to my(and his hands travelled back to the end of his shirt and stopped just above his pelvis)

"Alyanna"

Yuuri whispered seductively as an introduction over the mic and suddenly, the girl was singing and looking at him.

His head started throbbing and buzzing and the crowd was cheering as he and Alyanna reached each other and locked their hands together.

They looked like a couple.

They looked like an in love couple.

Looked being the operative word as what the people sees as Yuuri and Alyanna making moon eyes at each other were really just them looking at the other gratefully. Alyanna, because she knew that this would make her career soar – regardless of what happens and Yuuri because, well, he needed someone to sing this with.

Hold me close by your side

Baby, never let me go through the night

They were nearing the end of the song and Yuuri was harmonizing with Alyanna as much as his drunk self is allowing him to.

The crowd never stopped cheering and he decided to finally, finally look at his friend. Apologize, because he really should've at least let him know. He'd have to handle the public after all.

But as Yuuri turned him and Alyanna so he'd be facing the side where Phichit usually was, his breath was left on his throat as he felt his lungs constrict as his eyes glided toward the man beside Phichit, Chris.

Chris was here.

And beside him, Victor.

He stopped singing – thankfully, the song was already ending.

He saw Victor looking at him shyly from the side but his eyes are burning with something Yuuri cannot pin down at the moment as he tried to drag his feet to move – or run, or crawl.

He needs to get to Victor.

He needs to know he isn't hallucinating – like last time.

But as he started to move forward, two small hands tugged at the collar of his shirt and pulled.

He found himself kissing Alyanna.

In front of Victor.

He was dizzy.

He pulled away.

He looked back at the side of the stage.

Chris was looking at him sadly.

Phichit was looking at him confusedly.

The crowd was cheering.

And Victor was missing.

Again.


	2. Your Universe

"Yuuri… please… you need to stop this" Phichit begged his best friend as he followed the drunken man who keeps on tripping on his feet.

"You don't understand Phichit… You don't understand" Yuuri slurred out the words in a whisper as he half dragged and half stumbled on his feet as he could barely identify the street he's walking to.'But I have to get there'his mind insisted as he heard Phichit say, "What don't I understand? Yuuri… please…" his friend tried again as he grabbed Yuuri's arm in an attempt to stop the Japanese man from hurting himself.

Yuuri, for his part, as much as his clouded mind is allowing him, understood what his friend is saying, but Phichit must understand, so he tried to pry the hands of his best friend off of him as he heard the thai say, "Why don't you do this when you're sober? Perhaps tomor –" but Yuuri cut him off swiftly as he whispered, "I need him now Phichit" as he breathed and said, "I need to know he's real"

Yuuri started walking again as Phichit let him walk a fair distance before he followed him again. Because for starters, Yuuri could be mobbed by fans and criminals alike right now and take advantage of him while he's drunk. In addition, he's also scared that Yuuri would be found out by the media and ruin his best friends career forever.

'Drunk Yuuri might not care but Sober Yuuri will'Phichit decided. Phichit is Yuuri's best friend first before he became his manager. And as his manager, he's worried for his career, but as a friend, he's saddened for whatever's happening in his life.

He watched on as his friend tried to walk ahead as he shook his head as he remembered how they got there.

45 minutes ago

"Yuuri, the crowd is asking for an encore…" Phichit barely heard Alyanna speaking as he watched Yuuri turning his head from the side of the stage to the crowd – looking all ready to jump off if he sees the silver haired man of his dreams – life. Phichit watched as Yuuri paid the girl no mind as he finally tried to walk -- or wobble forward, only to be grabbed by the girl again by the collar.

But before Alyanna could pull him again, Phichit watched Yuuri panick and pushed her away, making the audience gasp in unison as silence filled the hall and after a few seconds, Yuuri apologized for his actions and immediately thanked and apologized to his fans and ran out of the stage – stumbling as he does so, and was luckily caught by Phichit.

"He was here wasn't he?" Yuuri asked as him as he grabbed him by the shirt as the older man lifted his head as he adamantly refused to look at him at the moment – and that's answer enough for Yuuri as he started to pound Phichit's chest as he said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

There was a pregnant pause before Yuuri heard Chris sighing from the side and answered, "Phichit didn't know Yuuri… it – Victor was supposed to surprise you…" he ended lamely which made Yuuri pout and Phichit sulk as he whispered, "It seems everyone doesn't want to tell me things now… even you" as he gave Yuuri a soulless laugh and added, "You didn't tell me about the program change – and I thought I was your friend – best friend" which made Yuuri flinch with guilt as he apologized.

After that, he asked Chris to look after Alyanna and make sure she gets home safe – because he's somehow sure that she'd get mobbed by Yuuri's fanclub. But before the Swiss left, Phichit saw Yuuri grabbing Chris' shirt and asking him where Victor stayed.

Phichit thought Yuuri would take a taxi – he was wrong. Yuuri insisted on walking – well, Yuuri said he was running, but he's tripping so much that he might as well be walking. Phichit tried to persuade his friend to just take the taxi – much safer and away from the press, but Yuuri kept on insisting.

"Victor is going to walk – I'm sure of it!" Yuuri told his friend with so much conviction that on a good day might make Phichit wince but as he watched his drunken friend lean on the wall and entered an empty alley to puke his guts out, Phichit could only sigh and rub his friend's back who, despite everything, remained stubborn and was soon walking again towards a destination they both aren't sure of.

Present

Chris called Phichit after a few minutes to ask him where they were and the thai listened to his boyfriend curse when he told him where they are and what's Yuuri doing.

"I shouldn't have told him that" Phichit heard Chris say sulkily followed by a string of apologies and reassurances that once he sent the girl home, he'd pick both of them up. Before they hang up, Phichit asked Chris if he has any idea where Victor is, or if it's at all alright for him to call Victor and just talk to Yuuri, at least once, but he could almost see his boyfriend shaking his head as he heard him answer, "They know themselves and each other better than we'll ever know them Phichit…" and Phichit wanted to counter that and declare that he knew Yuuri best but stopped himself as he also realized, that it must also be untrue.

Phichit watched as Yuuri stopped walking in the middle of the road while crossing and panicked a bit when a few seconds has passed and Yuuri still didn't budge. So he ran as fast as he could only to be stopped when the traffic light changed and he watched Yuuri half running towards a familiar silver haired man and he could only sigh in relief as he thought, 'Maybe they need to talk' and 'Maybe, I should get out of here' and sighed again as he watched Yuuri grab Victor's shirt as he turned back.

If only he waited a bit before he turned, he would've thought differently and would probably saved his best friend from the pain. But instead, with a light heart, he called Chris to tell him that Yuuri found Victor and they seem to be talking and the other didn't need to worry about picking them up and just head straight for their apartment instead.

Yuuri was drunk and dizzy as he trudged on ahead. He knew Victor wouldn't head straight for wherever he's staying but will take as much time as he could outside first – well, at least that's the Victor Nikiforov he knew. He sighed as he heard murmurs beside him and a couple of people giving him odd looks and some, looks at him with recognition and… pity?

'Do I look that pitiful?'he asked himself sadly as he tried to look at himself,'Baggy eyes, drunk out of my mind, shirt's a crumpled mess and shoes still fresh with traces of puke – well, not that many, and it looked more like someone turned the sprinkler on these shoes rather than actual puke. I haven't eaten before I drank – maybe that's why, and I'd be damned if these people were not giving me odd stares, I look and feel like shit'his mind insisted as he tried to cross the road.

Question, why would a drunk Yuuri Katsuki cross the road?

Answer, to get to VictorfuckingNikiforov.

Yuuri stopped in the middle of the road as he tried to verify if it is indeed Victor, cos if it's not, the concrete right where he's standing is probably comfy and he'd rather sleep here than be anywhere else. But he ran as even with his foggy mind, he can still identify Victor, even in the middle of a crowded street, even if the Russian wore a disguise – not that the Russian did, but he knows, he will know.

Yuuri ran as fast as his feet would take him.

He ran until his lungs gave out and he almost collapsed but he pressed on until finally, he grabbed the back of Victor's shirt as he watched as the latter turned to him slowly with eyes growing impossibly large with surprise, worry and… guilt? Yuuri could understand the first two but he couldn't understand why Victor was looking at him with guilt.

Before Yuuri was able to open his mouth though, he felt someone yanking him away from Victor as a stranger poked him in the chest with anger as Yuuri heard the stranger said, "Look buddy, this one's taken for the night!" before stomping away dragging Victor away from him who kept eye contact with Yuuri up until they turned the road and he lost sight of Victor again.

At that point, Yuuri lost his mind.

He shouted Victor's name at the top of his lungs with an overwhelming intensity of pain which made every person turn to look at him and recognized him immediately. Soon, he was getting mobbed by fans and anti-fans alike

Yuuri barely remembered what happened after.

When he came to, he was at a police station with a worried Phichit hovering over him and bottles of beer beside him.

He made a request earlier to the officers out of his own drunkenness – but they didn't expect they were fans until a full case of beer was served at his feet complete with a bottle opener and ice.

Again, he was on his sixth bottle – twelfth for that night, if he's counting the ones he drunk during his performance, but considering he puked while walking, he decided that those were probably already out of his system by now, which wasn't the case but Yuuri doesn't want to recognize that.

Yuuri heard Phichit firing question after question at him until his friend finally caught up and the horrified look he gave when he saw the beer bottles beside him was enough to make Phichit cry in outrage as Chris talked sternly to the officer asking them for details and why would they give Yuuri a full case of beer when he's already drunk as he heard Chris voice as he said, "INSIDE A POLICE STATION?" and Yuuri knew Chris was fuming, but right now, Chris was the only one coherent enough, Yuuri decided as he tried to take another swig at the bottle only to find it fucking empty again.

"Why are you doing this again?" Yuuri heard Phichit askrd him desperately followed by, "What happened Yuuri? Didn't you see Vic –" and Yuuri raised his hands and covered the mouth of his friend to stop the other from speaking until he let it go when he realized that Phichit understood as he laid back to lean on the wall and smiled sadly as he answered, "He – he was with another guy. I – the guy said Victor was taken for the night – whatever that means" he ended lamely as he hung his head in shame and guilt and worry and sadness – so much sadness as he tried to stifle his sobs.

"Oh I'm so sorry Yuuri! I didn't know… I'm so sorry" Yuuri heard Phichit say as he hugged him and Yuuri just slumped against his best friend's shoulders and cried his heart out and he leaned his heaad from drunkenness and exhaustion.

"I'll call Victor! That son of a bitch won't know what hit him tonight when I –" Phichit winced as he felt Yuuri tense until he saw his friend looked up at Chris with horror as he said, "NO! Don't do that… I don't – He's with – I don't want to ruin his life anymore…" and Phichit had to stop Yuuri from shaking so much as he just let his friend slump back to his shoulders again as he listened to his friend finally said in a whisper, "I'm glad he's having fun. I'm happy for him… just… let me just… let me rest… please"

When he felt Yuuri relaxed and heard soft snores coming from the Japanese man, Phichit slowly disentangled himself from his friend and slowly made Yuuri lean to the wall to settle back comfortably.

Phichit stood up slowly and immediately, Chris' arms enveloped his sides and said, "This is not your fault. None of this is" as he felt Chris pinch his sides and his vision blurred from the tears and he turned around to hug Chris as he said, "How could it not be? I – I left him… I – I thought he was fine! How was I supposed to know that Victor fucking Nikiforov could be such an asshole after all this time?" and he raised his head to glare at the Swiss as he said with a scowl, "I thought you said he changed!"

Chris, for his part, at least looked apologetic when Phichit stared at him fiercely and with eyes full of accusation. He sighed as he apologized and added, "I thought so too. I really am sorry…"

Chris sighed again as he continued, "Yurio called me last night using Mila's phone – said something about Victor finally watching the video I posted in the GC and that be alert that Victor would be dropping by anytime soon and… and true enough, Victor called me just this afternoon to ask me to pick him up from the airport… I – I'm really sorry" he finished as he dropped his head.

"Well, I'm sorry too Chris … but right now, my best friend is sporting several bruises because some anti-fans found him and left my best friend in an empty alley to die until the police found him, so I'm really sorry if I say I hate everyone right now" and hugged Chris fiercely.

Chris didn't say anything for a time until he and Phichit broke from their embrace to get Yuuri home before the paparazzi arrives and ruin his best friend down to ashes before he can even recover. But as they tried to grab Yuuri, the Japanese man fend them off. With both eyes closed, Phichit and Chris watched as Yuuri threw a tantrum in the police station as he declared that only Victor could make him move and after a few hours of coaxing and bribing that led to nowhere, Phichit finally relented when Chris suggested that they call Victor.

"Your friend better not be covered in cum and hickeys when he gets here or so help me Chris I'd punch the living daylights out of that guy and make sure to file a fucking restraining order against him for Yuuri after I slowly castrate him!" Phichit declared and smiled in satisfaction as he saw his boyfriend visibly blanched as he dialed Victor's number and if Phichit heard his boyfriend threaten the Russian with a slow painful death if he comes to the Police Station with a stranger, he pretended not to hear anything and smiled sweetly at the officers.

"What took you so long?!" Chris rounded up at the pale looking guy as he dragged his best friend by the collar and led him to Phichit who started grumbling as he said, "You better keep your hands to yourself Nikiforov! I'm watching you!" Victor felt himself nodding his head enthusiastically as his eyes landed to the person covered by a jacket but with his black hair sticking out under it.

Victor tried to walk slowly towards Yuuri, his ex-boyfriend, and reached out for the jacket and took it off of the guy slowly. His eyes landed to that angelic face and he shuddered as his eyes drifted to the bruises as his eyes started to sting as tears fell as he heard Chris say beside him, "The police found him near the alley on 32nd Street l, just a few meters where you were last seen with him. Some anti-fans got him in disguise as his body guards and crews for a show and led him towards the alley and beat him up good"

"But Yuuri knew how to fight. He knows Judo, Taekwondo and I even remembered him before learning Muay Thai from Phi –" Victor started until Chris cut him off as he said, "The officers showed me the video, Yuuri didn't fight back. He let himself be used as a punching bag"

Victor turned to his friend confusedly as he said, "But I don't understand! Even if he was drunk he's always well coordinated when it comes to –" but he was cut off again by Phichit this time who is walking towards them with a scowl and poison dripping from his mouth as they heard the thai said, "My best friend lost his will to live! Again! No thanks to you!" and shoved the cold compress towards Chris who got the message and shifted towards Yuuri and away from his best friend and his partner.

A few seconds passed before Chris heard his partner say, "If you think for one second that I'm happy to see you Nikiforov well let me get this straight – I'm not! Like, if you dropped dead right here, right now, I wouldn't bat an eyelash and declare a dance party in your fucking grave! Don't think I didn't know what you were up to while you were away!"

There was a pause before Chris heard Phichit add, "Yuuri let me handle his social media – and thank god for that right? Because your conquests always tag Yuuri in every fucking picture and even though I know Yuuri would try to be happy for you for your sake… I don't want to plan my best friend's funeral yet as I wait for him to break"

"I'm – I don't – I don't know what to say" Chris heard his best friend say and he just shook his head sadly as he heard Phichit say, "Then don't say anything! I barely managed to get him out of his shell alive alive when you first broke him – and I personally think it would be more difficult this time – if he'd even budge at all, but since we're already at it, I better hope you'd have enough common sense and pity left in you to leave my best friend alone after you sent him home"

Phichit walked closer to where he and Yuuri are as he heard Phichit add, "Scram before he wakes up and we'll call it even"

When Phichit reached Yuuri, he took deep calming breaths first as he refused to acknowledge the presence of two other men as he reached for Yuuri's cheek that doesn't have bruises, caressed it a bit and said, "Yuuri, wake up, Victor's here" and as if a kid on Christmas morning, he saw Yuuri's eyes fluttering open until it landed on the guy behind Phichit as he shoved his friend away and clung to the silver haired man who was shocked out of his mind to say the least.

A few minutes passed until they heard Yuuri say, "You're here! You're here! This is the best dream ever" before pulling himself up and tiptoeing much to Phichit's horror and Chris' amusement as they saw Yuuri kiss Victor Nikiforov on the lips soundly before declaring, "You taste so sweet Vitya! I miss you so much!!" before hugging the Russian again and sobbed against the other's chest as he said, "Never leave me again – I don't care about anyone else… I'm never gonna fucking wake up! This dream is better than a reality without you… you're my music! My everything!"

He sighed in contentment as his grip tightened and added, "I love you so much my Vitya, my Vitenka" before mumbling in Japanese, "Kore kara mo, zutto daisuki Victor. Eien" and passed out again and Victor swore he'd read up what that meant, after he finds the capacity to breathe.

It took them exactly 20 minutes before they got Yuuri out of the police station since the drunk man woke up a few minutes after passing out and talked to the officers around and to anyone who'd listen that his boyfriend picked him up from the police station before agreeing to go out with them – but not until Victor agreed to carry him at the elevator, and Victor had a weird sense of déjà vu as he recalled Yuuri asking the same when they first met.

Yuuri clung to Victor more at the backseat of Phichit's and Chris' car until they arrived at his and Yuuri's old apartment and he only sighed as he thought how nothing much has changed since he left – except for the dog house that was there when he still had Makkachin living with them.

As soon as Victor stepped out of the car, Yuuri immediately threw himself behind him and demand that the carrying starts now as he let Yuuri let himself be comfortable as his hands supported Yuuri's thighs and carried him up and only nodding to a scowling Phichit and a pleading Chris.

Victor thought Yuuri fell asleep. Until he felt the man squirming behind him when they reached the elevator and blew air on his ears which made Victor blushed as he asked Yuuri if something was wrong which Yuuri countered with, "What are you thinking so deeply about?"

He felt Yuuri's hold tighten as he heard him ask, "Are you thinking about leaving me again?" to which Victor could honestly answer, "No, I'm thinking of how to stay actually" and he heard Yuuri snort at that before he heard Yuuri mumble, "I want to sing" and he did.

Tell me something(he started as he played with Victor's hair)

When the rain falls on my face

How do you quickly replace it with

A golden summer smile?

Tell me something(They reached the floor and Yuuri held Victor tighter as he continued)

When I'm feelin' tired and afraid

How do you know just what to say

To make everything alright?

Victor didn't know what to say as he supported Yuuri's legs who started swinging a bit as he felt Yuuri's head swaying from side to side as well and then Yuuri's voice started to get louder and off-key as he sung

I don't think that you even realize

The joy you make me feel when I'm inside

Your universe

You hold me like I'm the one who's precious

I hate to break it to you but it's just

The other way around

You can thank your stars all you want but

I'll always be the lucky one

He whispered the last part of the chorus as Victor started to blush when Yuuri kissed his cheek as he lowered him down to open the door.

To be honest, he should have bolted out of there after opening the door – which he found the spare key off right where he and Yuuri always put it, under the mat. But whatever he promised Phichit was lost in his thoughts the minute Yuuri tugged at his arm and gave him a look no one in their right mind would ever say no to.

"Stay" was the only thing that Yuuri said but Victor was already closing the door behind him, ready to never leave this apartment ever again as he led Yuuri to their old room which he found also stayed exactly the same.

"I'll finish that song Vitya" Victor heard Yuuri say as he laid the drunken man and took off the other's shoes before covering him with a blanket. He stood up and he could almost feel Yuuri looking at him intently before saying, "Your clothes are still where you left them – I didn't throw away anything… just in case" and Victor turned to gave the other a smile which was immediately returned.

He took his old pyjamas, the ones he left here before moving out, and kissed Yuuri's forehead as he bid him goodnight and left the door open as he told him he'd sleep on the couch. Just in case Phichit shows up unannounced before he wakes up tomorrow, at l3ast he'd still have all of his limbs intact. But he did stay, at least until Yuuri finally slept and he got comfortable at the couch.

Worrying about tomorrow. When Yuuri realize that this isn't a dream and coherent enough to talk to him and sober enough to have that conversation – or confession on his part. Before he slept, he prayed to all the gods that Yuuri wouldn't hate him – he prayed that Yuuri would let him stay.


	3. I'm not really laughing Lie

Yuuri didn't sleep.

Well, he did.

But he woke up a few minutes after.

At first, he thought he dreamt about everything. His fan meeting, the singing, Alyanna, Phichit, Chris, Victor, the stranger, the antis, the Police Station and again, Victor. But as he raised his hands to pinch himself, he felt his body sting and arms felt like led – _'it must be true then'_ he thought as he opened his eyes wider and his heart started pounding as he mumbled, "then that must mean …" his voice drifted off as he forced himself to look at his side only to find it empty.

 _'He left'_

Yuuri thought bitterly as he tried to stop himself from sobbing. _'Maybe he went back to that guy – he looks much better than me anyway'_ his thought supplied as his voice cracked at the thought of Victor with someone else.

 _'I have to let him go'_ he told himself as he snorted as he thought, _'now, how many times have I told myself that?'_ but as he tried to roll of the bed so that he could go to the toilet – _'to drown myself'_ he thought sardonically, he heard soft snores coming from the living room.

His first thought was Victor. But he just shook his head as he remembered his best friend threaten Victor as his mind added, _'And why would he stay?'_ His second thought was Phichit. His best friend would stay the night – he's sure of it. So he pushed himself off the bed and trudged towards the living room to wake Phichit up and offer him the bed – it's the least he could do for his friend, he troubled him enough, Yuuri thought.

But as he walked towards the living room, his mind immediately went blank as he saw the sleeping form of Victor on the sofa. _'He looks so beautiful'_ Yuuri thought as he smiled sadly and thought, _'I thought this was a Cinderella story – and now, I woke up to find sleeping beauty'_ he slowly walked towards the figure – afraid of making any noise. When he reached the edge of the couch, he slowly sat on the carpeted floor and smiled as he came face to face with Victor's sleeping face.

"Why are you so beautiful?" he whispered as he couldn't stop himself as he raised his hand to tuck in Victor's hair behind his ears – slowly so he doesn't wake up. Yuuri panicked a bit when he saw Victor's face scrunch up a bit but relaxed as soon as Victor's face became peaceful again and breathed a sigh.

Yuuri pulled his knees closer to his body and wrapped his arms around himself as he leant his head on his knees and looked at the sleeping figure again. It took him another hour of just watching Victor's face light up as the moon shone inside the room and landing directly at the sleeping form of his _ex_ before he found himself whispering again to the sleeping man, "Why are you here?"

"Goodbye" _'Don't go'_

"Be happy" _'Don't leave'_

"Forget me, forget and move on" _'Don't forget me'_

"I'm... I'm okay" _'It hurts...'_

"Don't worry about me and move on" _'Please don't leave'_

"I still love you" _'I never stopped loving you'_

He whispered those words as his thoughts kept on betraying him. But at his last thought, he knew that it must be true. For the past months, he literally drowned himself in alcohol – he forced himself to forget Victor, he worked and worked and worked and sometimes, he'd let Phichit and Chris introduce him to a guy or a girl to shift his interest – not that it worked, it never worked – not when he can clearly see Victor's face whenever he closed his eyes, whenever he breathed, whenever he see something familiar.

Even with his music. Everything he wrote from the moment he met Victor up to now, has been dedicated to him. The happy songs, the love songs, the broken hearted songs – everything. Even as he stares at the Russian now, words float in his head, ready to be written.

 _I want to forget you, I want to forget you_  
No matter how much I shout out, it doesn't work  
I regret because I couldn't take care of you  
I want to forget you, I want to forget you  
No matter how much I shout out, it doesn't work  
I go crazy with the memory of you laughing

 _I'm not really laughing_  
I'm not really walking  
In your memories I shed tears and wait for you  
I'm not really laughing  
I'm not really walking  
In your memories I shed tears and wait for you

 _With the pain of not having you, I shed tears and blow my nose_  
I want to be a man and just laugh but  
I can't fix the habit of becoming blank every moment  
I want to be a man and just laugh but  
I want to be a man and just laugh but it's so hard to take a spoonful of food and put it in my mouth  
Even the laughter of my friends who try to comfort me,  
Turn into marbles of sadness in my eyes  
I try to laugh but I can't and I go some place far away

The words flowed from his head continuously as he scrambled from his feet cautiously to retrieve a pen and paper from the table drawer as he forced his aching hand to write and thought of the melody to best accompany the song in his mind.

He doubts he'll ever sing this song in public – or in front of anyone actually, but he's determined to finish this song – if only as his last reminders of Victor.

He wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. He didn't even realize when the moon was slowly replaced by the sun and blue orbs started fluttering open – watching him, as his back was turned away from the previously sleeping man, until he felt cold hands running through his hair and he tensed and gasped before he relaxed himself slowly.

But as he tried to turn around he heard Victor murmur, "Please… don't turn around just yet" which made Yuuri tense again as his anxiety bubbled up and fed his mind one evil thought to another as he cautiously said, "I'm sorry Victor" as he tried to stop the pounding in his head and forced himself to calm down when he heard shuffling from behind him followed by cold hands wrapping around him in a form of a hug.

 _'God I missed this'_ Yuuri thought as he relaxed in the arms that held him until he started hearing soft sobs coming from the Russian as he started to lift his hands to hold the arms of the other only for the hug to tighten. He tensed and winced as he felt his bruises sting.

Suddenly the arms that held him were gone and the frantic voice of Victor replaced it as the Russian apologized over and over which only stopped when Yuuri suddenly said, "Can I – Can I turn around now?"

It took a few seconds of silence before he heard Victor answer, "I – ye – yes" and that was all the answer Yuuri needed before he slowly turned around and lifted Victor's face so he could look at him.

"Hey" Yuuri said softly as he gave the other a small smile.

Victor, for his part, swallowed a lump in his throat before he replied with another 'Hey' followed by another small smile.

They fell into a comfortable silence, both waiting for the other to start. Yuuri's hands found Victor's and he took the other's hands and entangled it with his own as he rubbed his thumb at the back of the Russian's hands soothingly.

As silence enveloped the room, Yuuri thought about what he planned to say to Victor. He rehearsed this – thought about this – he remembered practicing the lines over and over, but now, his memory betrays him and it all falls short as his mind remained blank. But as he forced himself to say anything, Victor beat him to it when he heard the Russian asked, "What happened to us Yuuri?"

He can't answer that.

Not that he can't – it's just that, it was his question too.

He doesn't have an answer to that.

"I don't know" he answered honestly before they fell into another silence – this time more suffocating than the last. Yuuri found that he's holding his breath and he slowly released it as he heard Victor ask again, "Do you – do you think we could go back?" the words 'to how we used to' left unsaid but Yuuri heard it all the same.

Yuuri took another breath as he debated with himself how to best answer that question, and after another second, he made up his mind that the only answer that they both need is an honest one, so slowly, he answered, "No… I don't think so" and he watched as Victor's eyes started filling with tears before bowing his head so that he wouldn't see. Yuuri wanted to look away but found that he couldn't – physically couldn't.

He needed to explain to Victor – while he's still here. He needed Victor to listen now – let him talk. Even if he doesn't really know what he wanted to say so he just opened his mouth and let his heart put the words in his mouth as he started.

"I didn't know why you left" Yuuri took deep breaths, thankful that Victor is letting him talk so he continued, "I – when you left me… I was so lost. I – I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to feel anything" as he snorted and added, "I even went back to drinking alcohol – to let me sleep? To numb the pain? I honestly don't know" as he shook his head for good measure as he smiled sadly. Slowly, he lifted Victor's head and forced the words out of his mouth as he gave the other a sad smile while he watched the other cry. He brushed his thumb over the falling tears as he said, "I wouldn't lie… I let Phichit and Chris throw people at me – two at a time even" as he laughed a bit and his hands fell back to capture Victor's own hands and looked away as he continued, "But nothing came out of it" and turned to Victor again and smiled as he said, "I found out just how stubborn my heart is you know. It was dead set on you. Even as I sat with other people – even as I forced myself to the company of another, I close my eyes and remember you and it makes me physically recoil from another – I'm stuck with you"

Yuuri waited for a while to let Victor talk. But when it got obvious that the other wouldn't just yet, Yuuri continued.

"I didn't know what to feel when I saw you last night. I felt like a ship stranded in the middle of the sea and you are the lighthouse beckoning me for safety…" Yuuri breathed harshly as he forced the sobs back in his throat as he added, "But I was scared" and looked at Victor in the eyes as he said, "I didn't know if it was still safe to land – I was scared that the reason I was driven away the first time was because I polluted you too much – I've scarred you too much" his hands immediately let go of Victor's as his hands cupped the other's face and searched for anything in the Russians face as he smiled at him and said seriously, "I don't want to hurt you – you're so beautiful and I don't want to spoil you"

"But just when I made up my mind to go to you regardless – be selfish, just one last time, Alyanna, the rookie singer I was with, pulled me down and kissed me" as his eyes dropped to his sides and he looked away from Victor and continued, "I didn't know what to do. I pushed her away – I asked Chris – I looked for you and found you" as he took another sharp intake of breath and said bitterly, "And then suddenly, there was another guy beside you, shoving me away and …" his voice faltered as he looked at Victor again with a sad eyes and a small smile, "I didn't care anymore – my life – my career – everything and nothing mattered anymore" as he took another second before finishing it with, "And then you're here – and I'm here – our feelings are a mess so… No Victor we can't go back to how we were anymore"

Yuuri waited for Victor to talk. For a while, he listened while the other cried. He said his piece – after a long time, he said what he thought – not what he rehearsed. He waited until he heard Victor say, "This is all my fault" and Yuuri wanted to counter that but Victor didn't let him as the other continued to say, "No… Yuuri… listen to me… this is – all of this is my fault" and Yuuri nodded as he said, "Will you tell me why we broke up Victor?" and he smiled as he saw Victor nod.

There was a pregnant pause as Yuuri saw Victor debating with himself before the other started with, "I – I guess it started when you released your second album?" and Yuuri raised his eyebrows at that but Victor continued, "I – I was backstage with Phichit on your concert when Chris asked Phichit if you really declined the offer to appear on a show and Phichit may not remember but he said, 'Oh, the shooting is on the 22nd' as if that explained everything and I didn't understand it at first and dismissed it until I heard you finishing the encore song and you said to the crowd, 'PLEASE SUPPORT MY PARTNER VICTOR NIKIFOROV! HE'LL BE COMPETING ON THE 22ND OF MARCH'" he imitated Yuuri's voice as he laughed a bit.

Yuuri looked at him sadly as he listened to Victor continue, "That time – that's when I started to think… I was already thinking of retirement that time. I haven't told you yet but I – I don't know what to do. And I – I thought I hindered you in your career. I – I thought, if you weren't going to my competition, which I know you would anyway, you could be going to that show and be more popular" and this time, it was Victor who was cupping Yuuri's face who looked at the other blankly as Victor smiled widely as he continued, "And you have so much potential! You! You are so beautiful and I am so proud of you! But I – " he stopped and cut himself off for a bit before his hands fell to his sides as his smile lessened and said, "I was a shooting star Yuuri – and it was time for my descent and I – I didn't want to drag you down with me" as he took a breath and said finally, "and so I did the most cowardly thing to do. I ran away from you with my tail between my legs and shut down everything that connected me to you"

Yuuri suddenly moved from his position and shifted so he'd be sitting beside the other as he threw his arms around the Russian which made the other falter a bit and Yuuri rested his head on Victor's shoulder before he breathed before he said, "Was that the reason? You got scared?" and it took another minute before Yuuri felt Victor nod from above him and he closed his eyes as he smiled and relaxed as he breathed and said, "You are so stupid Vitya"

Yuuri knew, based on how Victor tensed above him, that the other man must be shocked and have his mouth hanging open, he breathed again as slowly released it and said, "You could have told me sooner – this wouldn't have happened then" and then turned his head to look at Victor as he said while they locked eyes, "I said this to you then and I'll say it again now… my songs are why I'm popular – and my songs are all about you" and when he saw Victor looked at him confusedly he smiled and said, "From the moment I met you, words flow in my head. My feelings, my words, everything I know from then on, revolved around you. Without you, there is no art. Without you, there might as well be no me" and Yuuri's eyes started tearing up when he saw Victor's eyes reflect his own as they smiled at each other as he finally said, "You will never burden me. I'd love you and I will support you until my hair turn as grey as yours one day – I promised you that"

Yuuri knew then that Victor understood – and he understood that Victor still loves him. If the way they're acting and what he told him were any indication and he reveled at that. And he smiled to himself triumphantly when he teased Victor as he said, "I want you back Vitya – if you'll have me" before he smirked as he looked away as he tried to move away from the Russian and sound dejected when he said, "But you have another man" and upon seeing the confused look in Victor's eyes, he said, "You know, the one with you last night? The one who called me 'buddy?'" and he smiled to himself as he saw Victor's eyes widen in realization as Yuuri sighed dramatically and turned away from the other as he said, "I guess I'm not needed anymore – I might as well die right now" and he physically felt Victor tensed behind him as he heard the Russian say, "NOOOOO Yuuri! NOOOOO! I LOVE YOU! DON'T FOLLOW THE LIGHT! NOOOOOO!" as Yuuri couldn't stop himself and laugh at the dramatics of the other.

Victor, still hasn't caught up yet, continued as he rambled, "I honestly don't know the guy! He just saw me walking down the street and he told me he'd get me a coffee or something and – Yuuri! I didn't even agree! He just decided on his own! And when we turned the curve, I honestly shoved him away and ran towards the hotel! Yuuri listen!"

Yuuri tried to calm himself down before turning back to Victor as he looked at the other seriously and asked, "What about the other guys? The one you dated?" and Victor's eyes grew impossibly wider than as Yuuri heard him stumble on his words as he listened to Victor say, "THEY WEREN'T REAL! IT WAS ALL THEM!" and Yuuri couldn't stop himself as his heart thumped with glee and before he knew it, he leaned in to kiss Victor on the lips before he smiled sarcastically, "What about those girls?" and it amused Yuuri that Victor's eyes remained close and leaning in closer to Yuuri when he pulled away.

He laughed when Victor's eyes opened and scrunched his face in disgust as he said, "That's all Mila and Georgi's fault – they insisted" and then as if finally realizing what happened he turned to Yuuri as he asked, "YUURI! Did you just kiss me?" and Yuuri smiled as he shrugged and smirked at him as he answered, "Maybe"

Yuuri laughed when he heard Victor grunt as he leaned in again to steal another kiss to the Russian which made the other stop as pointed at Yuuri accusingly and said, "You did it again!" and Yuuri, getting all the courage and confidence as he couldn't stop himself anyway, smirked again as he asked, "Do you want me to stop?" and he watched, amused, as Victor's mouth opened and closed like a fish before making up his mind as he jumped at Yuuri and kissed the Japanese as he demanded, "less talking more kissing!" and Yuuri laughed at that.

After a few minutes of making out, Victor pulled away to ask the question that's been nagging at his mind, "What about Alyanna?" and this time, it was Yuuri who was leaning in, seeking the warmth of the other's lips as he grunted and asked, "What about her?" as he started to kiss Victor again who responded before the Russian pulled away from him again and said, "She kissed you" Victor said matter-of-factly as Yuuri, anger rising that he kept being disturbed, grunted again as he countered, "And I pushed him away" and shrugged as he peppered Victor's face with kisses, "Besides, I'm kissing you here right now, aren't I?" but Victor was still talking as he asked, "What about Phichit and Chris? They will be mad when they found out…"

Yuuri, couldn't take it anymore, moved so that he's straddling the Russian and lowered his face so that he's kissing Victor's neck which earned him a moan. But just when he thought he'd successfully shut the other up, he heard Victor continue, "And what about Russia? Yakov will be mad again – and Yuri and Mila and Georgi"

This time, Yuuri couldn't stand it as he pulled away and gave a look to Victor as he asked, "Seriously? I'm doing my best here to kiss you until we both turn into a puddle to make up for lost time and you're thinking about Phichit and Chris and Mila and Yakov and Yurio and –" he stopped as he shivered before saying, "Georgi?" and this time, it was Victor's turn to smirk as he heard the Russian say, "Well, then that means you're not doing it properly huh? You must have been getting dull now that we –"

Yuuri shut him up as he leaned his forehead on Victors' as he said, "If you finish that sentence I will call everyone right now and tell them that you hurt me – again" which made Victor pale as he continued, "They all saw how I was like the first time that you left – I'm sure not everyone will be as forgiving the second time" and watched as he practically saw the gears working on Victor's head before a scowl marred his face when he said, "You're not being fair! They all love you!"

And Yuuri laughed, really laughed as he said, "Yeah, and they love you too" before adding, "Besides, I'll take what I can – after all, all is fair in love and war"

They kissed each other again – slowly this time, before slowly separating and just enjoying the company of the other before they pulled themselves up from the floor and Yuuri led Victor to sit on the couch. They sat comfortably until they started kissing again until Yuuri pulled away to say, "Next time, talk to me first" and Victor nodded in understanding before Yuuri asked, "promise?" and Victor smiled, "Promise"


End file.
